There's No Horror in that Horror- The Roommate

If you are a fan of big eyed, high pitched voiced, half opened lips, long haired chicks whose life revolves around clubs, friendster and clothes, this might just be your thing. If you liked Gossip Girl and Twilight, you might just pissed your pants seeing the stars of both giving themselves supposedly evil looks. If the biggest fear you have is that a cute, little kitten gets lost or killed while making the laundry, I have just found an ideal horror for you. It’s called the Roommate.

Christian F. Christiansen, who obviously isn’t using his real name, has no directing experience whatsoever. He did some weirdly sounding films and the only interesting fact IMDB has on him is his zodiac sign. Did you give a shit he was a sagittarius? You better do because this information is so much more interesting than the film he made.

Sara is a UCLA student, a place of stylish and sexy people who just hang out discussing weather and making out with either band members or Indian sheiks. Sara is not like other girls though. She is sophisticated and ambitious. Her favourite film is Devil Wears Prada, because it tells a story of a small town girl who makes it. The only tattoo Sara has is one with her dead sister’s name so she can always feel her presence. Sara is spiritual. Sara is carrying. She takes a cat home when she sees one. Sara is stylish. She wears a hat. Sara has a difficult past. Her ex boyfriend still calls her. On the first day, Sara meets her new roommate, Rebecca. Rebecca is....

...a stalker.

She is also bipolar, psychopathic and obsessed with Sara. But hey, aren’t we all sometimes?

Even though there’s clearly something wrong with Rebecca, Sara ignores all the signs and decides to hang out with her roommate. The more time they spend together, the more friends of Sara disappear in mysterious way. Finally, Sara is told by Rebecca’s parents that her new friend should be on medication, something clicks in her brain and she decides to fucking run.

I know. It doesn’t sound that bad. So what’s the problem?

First and foremost, the Roommate is boring as hell. There are two hot chicks in the film, a lesbian kiss, some bitch fighting, shower scene and a cute kitten killed in the laundry, and it’s still just boring. I would say, it is kind of a achievement to have so much potential, and just fuck it up.

give me the laptop. You’re boring

The story itself might not sound bad, but it just drags on for ages. Before we actually get to the point when Rebecca’s psychotic personality is officially revealed, we have to go through an hour of girlfriends acting jealous on one another. Even Rebecca’s threatening Sara’s friends is not actually that horrific. Yes, she stalks them and gives them evil looks, but for most of the time she just sits at her dorm trying to call Sara to give her bitchy monologue when she comes back late from the party.

this scene looks kind of hot, but it’s not actually in the movie

The most annoying thing about the Roommate though is the editing. I sometimes forget how technical things can just ruin the whole movie. Here, it’s a ‘can’t be bothered’ editing mixed with ‘oh, fuck it’ directing. Amazing combination. Therefore, whenever a scene begins, it ends before it develops. I will try to explain it. There is this great scene in the Roommate in which Rebecca shows Sara her room at her parents’ house (mansion rather; psychopaths always live in fucking mansions). Sara notices some drawings on the wall. She asks about a girl on the drawings and while Sara says something like “it’s the same girl in every drawing’, the camera zooms in onto the eye in the drawing, it starts turning around and around and around and....it turns into a turkey on the dinner table. o_o wtf.

Or other example, Rebecca goes to the club where she picks up on Sara’s friend, Irene. She kisses her in the bathroom and the scene ends. I think they went to Irene’s apartment where Rebecca actually killed her, because Irene doesn’t pick up the phone or something, but to be honest, it is never explained what happened to her. Well, if the writer, director and the editor didn’t care, why should I care?

I wonder what book she is reading....

Because the editing is so random and messed up, the plot holes are massive. It’s like The Resident all over again with a magical mobile phone which just knows everyone’s numbers and travels on its own so wherever you put it before, you can be sure to find it somewhere else.

And oh, this American universities where all the teachers are so inspiring and laid back and easily impressed by one liners such as ‘you can’t learn style’. Watch out though, they might want to sleep with you if you are talented. Or if you wear a hat, because hats are hot and this one here

would make me a rapist, too.

And the best thing is. After being sexually harassed by her teacher, mentally and physically tortured by her roommate, having her best friend and ex boyfriend killed and a cute little kitten thrown to the laundry, Sara is not traumatised at all. She just laughs about not wanting a new roommate for some time. Awww, bless her.